Posted in Friendship

25 Ways to Be a True Friend

“Don’t wait for people to be friendly. Show them how.” ~Unknown 

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The other night I called an old friend I hadn’t talked to in a while. As we caught up, shared stories, and laughed over private jokes that would sound ridiculous had the phone been tapped, I wondered why I let so much time go by since I’d last given her a call.

We don’t live close to each other, so grabbing a drink or hitting up a yoga class isn’t an option. But really connecting with her, sharing pieces of my life  and receiving the pieces she wants to give, doesn’t require specific geography.

We can be great friends to each other, despite the distance, if we choose to make the effort. If we remember to make the time, we can have those types of meaningful, fulfilling conversations that make us feel seen, understood, appreciated, and supported.

Then I started to think about all the times when I’ve gotten busy and lost touch with friends who live right down the street—times when I got caught up in everything going on in my life and forgot to nurture my relationships.

We need meaningful connections with other people.

Not everyone has to be a close friend, but it’s integral to our happiness that we show people who we truly are, allow ourselves to know them in return, and then remind each other through actions—small or large—that we care.

We never need to be or feel alone in this world, but it’s up to us to create and allow opportunities to be together, enjoy each other, and be there for each other. It’s up to us to make our relationships priorities.

With this in mind, I recently asked on Facebook, “What does it mean to be a true friend?”

I compiled some of the ideas that resonated strongly with me (some of them paraphrased or slightly altered for ease of reading).

1. Always be there, even in silence.

2. Be kind and listen. Be fun and light. Be serious when needed, love extensively, and forgive always.

3. Don’t be scared to tell each other the truth, no matter how difficult it may be.

4. Guide each other in times of need with your honest opinions.

5. A true friend is someone who always listens and is genuinely interested in the good and bad, and someone who calls or writes just to say hello.

6. Be loyal in confidence and character, always open and inviting to share concerns, always honest even if you disagree.

7. A true friend tries his best to cheer you up when you are upset and makes you feel special.

8. Try and improve their life though your friendship.

9. Be who you truly are, be that vulnerable, and provide the other person the space, safety and choice to do the same.

10. Be genuinely happy when they get, receive, or achieve something you truly desire.

11. Share the truth in your heart, without the fear of misunderstandings.

12. Be loyal and forgive but above all: love and respect.

13. Accept the person as they are, as an individual, without conditions. Also, as important as it is for you to be there for them, sometimes you have to be willing to let them be there for you.

14. Remain friends despite a person’s choices in life and don’t bail on them when they aren’t who you want them to be.

15. A true friend always supports the person but doesn’t feel compelled to support the situation. A true friend knows how and when to say the firm, “No.”

16. Help yourself and those closest to you grow. To live means to grow, and a true friend is someone that you can honestly say has helped define you as an individual.

17. Celebrate the wins and be there to support the losses. Keep your word and acknowledge it when you don’t.

18. Walk in to a friend’s aid when others are walking out.

19. Don’t hold grudges over petty disagreements. 

20. Show up! You can pretend to care but you cannot pretend to show up.

21. A true friend is someone you feel as comfortable with as you do when you are by yourself. No illusions, no holding back.

22. Be there for the other person in the same way you would be there for yourself. Granted, if you can’t be there for yourself, that’s probably something you should address first.

23. Don’t let your own stuff get in the way. The ego is powerful.

24. Know someone’s least admirable characteristics and still love and support them.

And I’ll add the last: share honest appreciation every chance you get.

I don’t know all of you, but I’ve gotten to know quite a few. To all the beautiful, inspiring people who come here and share pieces of themselves, thank you for being you and for taking me, just as I am.

Do you have anything to add to the list?

 

– The above Blog has been taken from tinybuddha.com 

 

Posted in Monday Motivation

Why Forgiveness Is So Important For Writers #MondayBlogs #Writers #AmWriting

why-forgiveness-is-so-important

This past week I have learnt the importance of forgiveness in my creative life. It came to me after I read Spirit Junkie – A Radical Road To Discovering Self Love And Miracles by Gabrielle Bernstein. The book is excellent and really resonated with me. It is one of those wonderful self-help books where you read it and cringe a lot, as you can see yourself on the page.

There is an entire section of the book dedicated to forgiveness. I never thought about the importance of forgiveness until I read this book.

For too long I have been:

  • Resenting my imperfect past projects.
  • Beating myself up over my bad writing habits.
  • Resenting others who walked away from failed collaborative projects many moons ago.
  • Resenting some Wattpad reader feedback that I got on one of my Vampire stories.
  • Beating myself up over someone’s hurtful comments about a short story that I wrote.
  • Beating myself up for spending three months writing a second draft that was not good as the first draft.

Holding onto all this guilt and shame has brought nothing but pain and misery into my creative life. Wasted time and energy. As a result projects that brought me joy and happiness have been stopped, shelved or criticised heavily by me.

Writing is hard. It can be painful, tough, challenging and it can reduce one into a sobbing mess on the sofa, wedging giant slabs of chocolate into her mouth. It is also something that requires time. Writing is a craft that takes hours, months, days and years to master.

As writers we need to learn how to take a breath and remind ourselves that we are simply in training.

Forgiving myself and others this past week, for all of the above, has been enlightening and I have had a few teary moments too.

Imperfect past projects are part of our creative training. Forgiving myself about my imperfect past projects has been interesting. Accepting that they are imperfect and acknowledging that I am still very fond of them has seen a change in me. I have actually found myself going back to my The Diary of Roxy Collins podcast. This was something I stopped doing back in November because I did not think it was very good.

Do you know what? I had the most magical time recording the latest episode. It brought me so much laughter and I forgot about the quality.

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Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and will make their own choices. In hindsight I am glad the collaborative project didn’t work out, it was the right outcome. Forgiving those who walked away has been a lot easier than I thought.

With regards the Wattpad experience, I wrote an emotionally charged death of a much-loved character and I was bound to tug on some heart-strings. I have let the experience go as well as the hurtful comment about one of my short stories. This person’s comments say more about them than they do about my writing. Forgiving them has been such a release.

I am still learning my craft and the more writing practice I get the better.

Forgiveness is the secret ingredient to moving forward with my creative life. After all this forgiveness I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

I love this quote:

‘..sometimes when we are beating ourselves up, we need to stop and say to that harassing voice inside, “Man, I’m doing the very best I can right now.’ Brené Brown Rising Strong.

Have a wonderful day